Post by Christine! on Jan 2, 2008 23:31:59 GMT -4
AUTHOR’S NOTE/Disclaimer: This is a completely random, pointless, and probably horribly written story. May cause laughing, giggling, bleeding eyes, rolling on the floor laughing, or death. ENJOY OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES.
Side Note: Christine Marie is not responsible for any injuries that come from reading this story, nor will she pay your hospital bills. =)
A Completely Random and Pointless Short Story: Part 1
“Where the heck am I…?”
A 17-year-old boy was looking around what appeared to be a prairie in the middle of nowhere. He stood, brushing off his jean shorts and t-shirt; he had forgotten to change into pajamas again… but still… Bright aqua eyes looked over the barren landscape, his dirty-blonde hair rustling slightly. The browning grass swayed lightly in the breeze beneath a cloudless sky, and everything appeared to be absolutely normal. Yet, he had a feeling something was terribly wrong…
~Jeff; what in the Patronus’s name are you doing here?!~
He whirled around at the sound of his name, and his eyes fell on a familiar face. It was Myuutsu, purple tail and all, apparently stuck in the same situation as he was. The almost feline-like Pokémon looked as disorientated as Jeff did, which was… slightly comforting.
“I honestly don’t know what’s going on. I just woke up and… Bam. I was here. When did you get to this place?”
The clone rubbed his face tiredly, looking back at the teenager. ~I had a similar experience. I woke up in this deserted grassland… I can hardly tell what region we are in. Houen; maybe Shinou.~
Jeff looked out across the landscape, letting a sigh out. He couldn’t see anything but grass for miles and miles. Then a thought hit him. He looked down to his waist, and… nothing. His every Pokéball was gone; he didn’t even have the belt on. “WHAT KIND OF SICK, TWISTED DREAM IS THIS?!” he cried into the landscape, spreading his arms wide. “SMITE ME, OH MIGHTY SMITER!”
~I believe this is no dream.~
He glanced over at Myuutsu, who was staring at him like he was crazy. “Okay, did I ask you?”
The Pokémon simply crossed his arms. ~Who else? There is no one else around.~
“…That’s where you’re wrong…”
The two looked up instinctively at the sound of a female’s voice, scanning the sky and land.
“Who said that?” Jeff managed to sputter, his eyes shifting from place to place.
Suddenly, the density of the air around the two shifted drastically, fluctuating greatly. There was a bright flash of light, accompanied by a sharp crackling noise, and a young teenage girl appeared. She was dressed in a white shirt and pants, and had wavy blonde hair and pale blue eyes. The girl could have been easily mistaken for a heavenly host, but the two knew better.
She pushed up her glasses, beaming at them, and said, “It is I, the great, glorious, and divine Christine! Bow down to me, foolish mortals, or-”
The girl’s words were abruptly cut off when she was lifted into the air by her collar, seemingly by an invisible force. Her cheery expression was replaced by one of both terror and irritation, and she dared a glance at Myuutsu, who appeared thoroughly angered. His eyes were flashing with a bluish psychic glow, and he took a few steps towards her.
~Christine, you have thirty seconds to explain what is going on, and I shall give you no more time.Go,~ he ordered, the grip around her neck tightening slightly.
“Geez, so much for the creator controlling the created…” she choked out, attempting to loosen the hold on her throat with her hands, and being quite unsuccessful. Myuutsu snarled at that, taking yet another step towards the girl.
“All right, I’ll right, I’ll tell you! But put me down first!”
He snorted slightly, and released the hold on her. Christine collapsed on the ground, gasping for breath, and looked up at them. “Okay, Jeff, Myuutsu, I have grave news. Lord Helmet has captured Princess Vespa, and you gotta save her!”
Jeff blinked at the young teenager. “Uh…”
She rolled her eyes. “Okay, I was kidding. But, seriously, we’ve got issues. It’s worse than that. Lord Helmet has gotten his hands on the Holy Grail, and I need you guys to go get it back from him.”
Myuutsu crossed his arms, tail swishing back and forth. ~‘The Holy Grail’… Is that not a religious artifact, often claimed to not be real?~
“Oh, so they say, but it’s real all right.”
“And who’s this Lord Helmet guy?” Jeff asked, frowning slightly.
“Dude, he’s only like the most evil human in the galaxy!” she exclaimed, waving her hands around in an exaggerating fashion.
Myuutsu snorted slightly, saying, ~If you have not forgotten, you live in a different galaxy; universe, in actuality; than Jeff and I do. I am not even going to attempt to ask you how you got here…~ A slight pause followed his words, and then, ~Why must we do this? It is obviously your problem. We have no idea how to get to the Milky Way, anyhow. So why us?~
“Oh, um… because you’re my characters, and you’re supposed to do stuff for me.” She grinned, giggling a little for added effect. “Okay, then, let me know when you find it!” With that, she disappeared with a loud crack and a poof of smoke.
The two gazed at the spot where their creator had once been, and Jeff rubbed the back of his neck. “Okay then. So, where do we start?”
~I honestly am not sure. We could start…~
“Dirty mouth?”
They whirled around, seeing a pretty, blonde-haired young lady beaming at them. She was dressed in all white, holding a package of Orbit Chewing Gum.
Myuutsu frowned slightly. ~Pardon?~
“Clean it up, with Orbit!” she piped in a thick British accent, and disappeared as suddenly as she had appeared, leaving the package behind.
A moment passed, and Jeff cleared his throat. “Reckon she’s from Christine’s world?”
~Hard to say. She does not seem as… insane as Christine.~
“Really.”
He nodded, and they gazed at the package left by their visitor.
“Should I open it?”
~Why not? It appears to be… normal.~
Jeff made a shrugging gesture, and walked over to the pink present. He crouched down, picking it up, and peered closely at it. “Hm… ‘Orbit Chewing Gum’ … ‘Bubblemint’. That’s a weird flavour for gum.” He took out a piece, popping it in his mouth.
Myuutsu was watching the teenager carefully. ~I have a feeling that could have been poisonous.~
He immediately stopped chewing the gum, spitting it out wildly and wiping off his tongue. “AAACK. BAD-GUM-BAD-GUM-BAD-GUM…” the 17-year-old was babbling, as if trying to get the wretched taste off of his tongue.
The clone resisted the urge to burst out into laughter. ~You thought I was serious, did you not…~
He froze, gesturing very rudely to Myuutsu before popping another piece of gum into his mouth. Myuutsu merely smirked at the teenager’s stupidity.
“That wasn’t funny at all,” he grumbled, chewing the pinkish substance fervently, as if it were a tough piece of steak. He allowed a few moments to cool his temper, looking at the sky. “All right, so we gotta come up with a plan, right?” Jeff was saying between chews, turning his eyes once more to Myuutsu. “I say we find a portal to the Milky Way, or at least Christine’s universe, find this Lord Helmet guy, get the Holy Grail to whoever owns it and be back in time for lunch.”
Myuutsu glanced up at the sun. ~By noon? It is already nine - ~
“It’s an expression,” he interrupted, rolling his eyes.
The Pokémon snorted, slightly taken aback, but held his tongue. After all, it wasn’t his fault he didn’t understand all of those bizarre human expressions.
“Anyways,” Jeff continued, “you’re basically a legendary, right?”
He shifted his feet uncomfortably. ~I am descended from Myuu, that is correct…~
“So you could probably, like… rip a hole between space and time, right?”
Myuutsu’s head snapped up, his brow furrowed deeply. ~Jeff, you are speaking of something only Dialga or Palkia would be capable of doing. To even attempt this would be certain death for the both of us… You, though, more than I.~
“Okay, then, we have to find Dialga and… slash or… Palkia. How are we gonna manage that?”
~We are not going to.~
Jeff blinked. “…What?”
~You cannot seriously be thinking of going through with this. There is no telling what sort of technology this Lord Helmet is in possession of!~
“Myuutsu, are you thinking about what you’re saying?! All right, if Lord Helmet figures out how to work the Holy Grail thing and gains worldly power, he’ll destroy Earth, right? ‘Cause that’s what all the bad guys do. If Earth goes boom, then Christine goes boom, and me, Ashlee, Josh, and everyone else disappears like we never existed. Entiendo? I mean, granted, you and Myuu and all those other people will be here, but… Look, I don’t want to die, obviously,” he explained with a nervous chuckle at the end.
Myuutsu looked at the boy for what seemed like an eternity. ~Fine. I suppose I have no other option but to at least attempt to sever the dimensional border between space and time…~
“Huh?”
~Just stand back and try not to get in the way.~
“Oh, okay.” He sprinted away across the field, rubbing his hands together. Man, this was an intense moment. He wondered if this was actually being planned, like by someone greater than them… Jeff shook the thought away. Nah, Christine wouldn’t be doing this to them… Even she wasn’t that mean…
Off in the distance, he could see Myuutsu obviously using just about every ounce of energy he possessed to pull this off. He was glowing a brilliant azure, and soon the ground began to shake, as if there were an earthquake occurring. Jeff felt his grip on the earth loosen as he struggled to remain balanced.
“What the heck is going on?!” he shouted over the now gale-force winds.
An almost feline-like screech was his only response, as the sky seemed to literally rip in half.
~Get over here and maybe I will have a chance to explain it to you…~ he then heard somewhere in the back of his mind, and the teenager staggered over.
The clone was holding open what looked like a zipper in the sky; beyond the broken pieces laid only blackness.
~Jump in!~
“What?! Are you insane?!”
Myuutsu looked over at him, growling, ~It was your idea… Now hurry! You have no idea how arduous it is to keep this open!~
Jeff winced, staring into the black void.
~GO, YOU IDIOT!!~
An invisible force shoved him through the hole, and he fell face-first into the darkness…
“AAAAAHHHH!! I’M GONNA DIIE!!!” Jeff screamed, tumbling through the darkness. Something suddenly grabbed the back of his shirt, halting his fall. He twisted his neck till he could see Myuutsu grasping the collar of his shirt, an almost bemused look on his feline-like features.
~You never did like skydiving, did you?~
“No, for your information, I never did. Nor will I ever.” He sighed, looking down into the emptiness. “So… What is this?”
~I succeeded in severing the border, and now we are… Nowhere, basically.~
“So how do we get to Christine’s place?”
~What do I look like, a cartographer?~
“Well, I dunno, what does a cartographer look like?” He angled his head just enough to see the almost disgusted look that Myuutsu was currently giving him.
~For being in a state where if I drop you, you will most certainly die, you ask some very odd questions.~
He shrugged as best as he could. “It’s a human thing.”
~I see…~ A pause. ~Perhaps I can teleport us to her world.~
“But we don’t have a picture or anything! Don’t you have to know what it looks like before you can go there?”
~True… Do you still have that package of chewing gum?~
He raised his eyebrows. “Uh, yeah, I do.” He fished in his pocket, and handed it to Myuutsu, who let go of the boy’s collar with one paw to take the small cardboard box. “Why? Is your mouth dirty?” A single, stone-cold look from the legendary quickly erased the joke, and he chuckled nervously.
~No, I wanted it so I could backtrack the location of its origin and then go from there.~
“Oh… Why didn’t you think of that while we were still on dry land?”
~I did. It has been proven impossible to travel through universes while on certain planets… ours included.~
Jeff pondered that for a moment, and looked up at him. “Well, okay then. Try it!”
~I will, once you shut up…~
He quickly closed his mouth, and a sort of wind began to wrap itself around them. He resisted the urge to ask what was going on; there were no clouds here. Suddenly, there was a blinding flash of light, and they were slammed backwards through an empty space not unlike the one they were in, only it felt more like a tunnel. After only a moment, it all stopped, and they dropped onto hard cement.
Jeff opened his eyes, and a blast of icy-cold wind hit him. He shivered, and for a moment wondered if this was some kind of arctic world. He blinked the stars out of his eyes, and realized he was sitting on the ground, a large group of people staring at him. Most had a fair complexion, dark hair, and almond-shaped eyes. He slowly stood, and a few backed off. Myuutsu was nowhere to be seen.
“Uh… Hi. I’m Jeff, and-”
“Jeff?”
He looked towards the thickly accented voice, and saw it belonged to a fairly young lady. She was shorter than him by at least a few inches. He nodded slowly.
“You are… American?”
A million thoughts raced through his head. American… American… America… United States of –
That was where Christine was from!
He nodded more vigorously. “Yes, yes, I’m American. My name is Jeff Malashok,” the teenager said confidently. He could pull this off.
She smiled at him. “Well, Mr. Malashok, we are very confused on how you got here, but I would like to welcome you to Tokyo, Japan,” she said in shaky English.
He felt his jaw drop.
Tokyo.
That didn’t sound anything like Nebraska.
Side Note: Christine Marie is not responsible for any injuries that come from reading this story, nor will she pay your hospital bills. =)
A Completely Random and Pointless Short Story: Part 1
“Where the heck am I…?”
A 17-year-old boy was looking around what appeared to be a prairie in the middle of nowhere. He stood, brushing off his jean shorts and t-shirt; he had forgotten to change into pajamas again… but still… Bright aqua eyes looked over the barren landscape, his dirty-blonde hair rustling slightly. The browning grass swayed lightly in the breeze beneath a cloudless sky, and everything appeared to be absolutely normal. Yet, he had a feeling something was terribly wrong…
~Jeff; what in the Patronus’s name are you doing here?!~
He whirled around at the sound of his name, and his eyes fell on a familiar face. It was Myuutsu, purple tail and all, apparently stuck in the same situation as he was. The almost feline-like Pokémon looked as disorientated as Jeff did, which was… slightly comforting.
“I honestly don’t know what’s going on. I just woke up and… Bam. I was here. When did you get to this place?”
The clone rubbed his face tiredly, looking back at the teenager. ~I had a similar experience. I woke up in this deserted grassland… I can hardly tell what region we are in. Houen; maybe Shinou.~
Jeff looked out across the landscape, letting a sigh out. He couldn’t see anything but grass for miles and miles. Then a thought hit him. He looked down to his waist, and… nothing. His every Pokéball was gone; he didn’t even have the belt on. “WHAT KIND OF SICK, TWISTED DREAM IS THIS?!” he cried into the landscape, spreading his arms wide. “SMITE ME, OH MIGHTY SMITER!”
~I believe this is no dream.~
He glanced over at Myuutsu, who was staring at him like he was crazy. “Okay, did I ask you?”
The Pokémon simply crossed his arms. ~Who else? There is no one else around.~
“…That’s where you’re wrong…”
The two looked up instinctively at the sound of a female’s voice, scanning the sky and land.
“Who said that?” Jeff managed to sputter, his eyes shifting from place to place.
Suddenly, the density of the air around the two shifted drastically, fluctuating greatly. There was a bright flash of light, accompanied by a sharp crackling noise, and a young teenage girl appeared. She was dressed in a white shirt and pants, and had wavy blonde hair and pale blue eyes. The girl could have been easily mistaken for a heavenly host, but the two knew better.
She pushed up her glasses, beaming at them, and said, “It is I, the great, glorious, and divine Christine! Bow down to me, foolish mortals, or-”
The girl’s words were abruptly cut off when she was lifted into the air by her collar, seemingly by an invisible force. Her cheery expression was replaced by one of both terror and irritation, and she dared a glance at Myuutsu, who appeared thoroughly angered. His eyes were flashing with a bluish psychic glow, and he took a few steps towards her.
~Christine, you have thirty seconds to explain what is going on, and I shall give you no more time.Go,~ he ordered, the grip around her neck tightening slightly.
“Geez, so much for the creator controlling the created…” she choked out, attempting to loosen the hold on her throat with her hands, and being quite unsuccessful. Myuutsu snarled at that, taking yet another step towards the girl.
“All right, I’ll right, I’ll tell you! But put me down first!”
He snorted slightly, and released the hold on her. Christine collapsed on the ground, gasping for breath, and looked up at them. “Okay, Jeff, Myuutsu, I have grave news. Lord Helmet has captured Princess Vespa, and you gotta save her!”
Jeff blinked at the young teenager. “Uh…”
She rolled her eyes. “Okay, I was kidding. But, seriously, we’ve got issues. It’s worse than that. Lord Helmet has gotten his hands on the Holy Grail, and I need you guys to go get it back from him.”
Myuutsu crossed his arms, tail swishing back and forth. ~‘The Holy Grail’… Is that not a religious artifact, often claimed to not be real?~
“Oh, so they say, but it’s real all right.”
“And who’s this Lord Helmet guy?” Jeff asked, frowning slightly.
“Dude, he’s only like the most evil human in the galaxy!” she exclaimed, waving her hands around in an exaggerating fashion.
Myuutsu snorted slightly, saying, ~If you have not forgotten, you live in a different galaxy; universe, in actuality; than Jeff and I do. I am not even going to attempt to ask you how you got here…~ A slight pause followed his words, and then, ~Why must we do this? It is obviously your problem. We have no idea how to get to the Milky Way, anyhow. So why us?~
“Oh, um… because you’re my characters, and you’re supposed to do stuff for me.” She grinned, giggling a little for added effect. “Okay, then, let me know when you find it!” With that, she disappeared with a loud crack and a poof of smoke.
The two gazed at the spot where their creator had once been, and Jeff rubbed the back of his neck. “Okay then. So, where do we start?”
~I honestly am not sure. We could start…~
“Dirty mouth?”
They whirled around, seeing a pretty, blonde-haired young lady beaming at them. She was dressed in all white, holding a package of Orbit Chewing Gum.
Myuutsu frowned slightly. ~Pardon?~
“Clean it up, with Orbit!” she piped in a thick British accent, and disappeared as suddenly as she had appeared, leaving the package behind.
A moment passed, and Jeff cleared his throat. “Reckon she’s from Christine’s world?”
~Hard to say. She does not seem as… insane as Christine.~
“Really.”
He nodded, and they gazed at the package left by their visitor.
“Should I open it?”
~Why not? It appears to be… normal.~
Jeff made a shrugging gesture, and walked over to the pink present. He crouched down, picking it up, and peered closely at it. “Hm… ‘Orbit Chewing Gum’ … ‘Bubblemint’. That’s a weird flavour for gum.” He took out a piece, popping it in his mouth.
Myuutsu was watching the teenager carefully. ~I have a feeling that could have been poisonous.~
He immediately stopped chewing the gum, spitting it out wildly and wiping off his tongue. “AAACK. BAD-GUM-BAD-GUM-BAD-GUM…” the 17-year-old was babbling, as if trying to get the wretched taste off of his tongue.
The clone resisted the urge to burst out into laughter. ~You thought I was serious, did you not…~
He froze, gesturing very rudely to Myuutsu before popping another piece of gum into his mouth. Myuutsu merely smirked at the teenager’s stupidity.
“That wasn’t funny at all,” he grumbled, chewing the pinkish substance fervently, as if it were a tough piece of steak. He allowed a few moments to cool his temper, looking at the sky. “All right, so we gotta come up with a plan, right?” Jeff was saying between chews, turning his eyes once more to Myuutsu. “I say we find a portal to the Milky Way, or at least Christine’s universe, find this Lord Helmet guy, get the Holy Grail to whoever owns it and be back in time for lunch.”
Myuutsu glanced up at the sun. ~By noon? It is already nine - ~
“It’s an expression,” he interrupted, rolling his eyes.
The Pokémon snorted, slightly taken aback, but held his tongue. After all, it wasn’t his fault he didn’t understand all of those bizarre human expressions.
“Anyways,” Jeff continued, “you’re basically a legendary, right?”
He shifted his feet uncomfortably. ~I am descended from Myuu, that is correct…~
“So you could probably, like… rip a hole between space and time, right?”
Myuutsu’s head snapped up, his brow furrowed deeply. ~Jeff, you are speaking of something only Dialga or Palkia would be capable of doing. To even attempt this would be certain death for the both of us… You, though, more than I.~
“Okay, then, we have to find Dialga and… slash or… Palkia. How are we gonna manage that?”
~We are not going to.~
Jeff blinked. “…What?”
~You cannot seriously be thinking of going through with this. There is no telling what sort of technology this Lord Helmet is in possession of!~
“Myuutsu, are you thinking about what you’re saying?! All right, if Lord Helmet figures out how to work the Holy Grail thing and gains worldly power, he’ll destroy Earth, right? ‘Cause that’s what all the bad guys do. If Earth goes boom, then Christine goes boom, and me, Ashlee, Josh, and everyone else disappears like we never existed. Entiendo? I mean, granted, you and Myuu and all those other people will be here, but… Look, I don’t want to die, obviously,” he explained with a nervous chuckle at the end.
Myuutsu looked at the boy for what seemed like an eternity. ~Fine. I suppose I have no other option but to at least attempt to sever the dimensional border between space and time…~
“Huh?”
~Just stand back and try not to get in the way.~
“Oh, okay.” He sprinted away across the field, rubbing his hands together. Man, this was an intense moment. He wondered if this was actually being planned, like by someone greater than them… Jeff shook the thought away. Nah, Christine wouldn’t be doing this to them… Even she wasn’t that mean…
Off in the distance, he could see Myuutsu obviously using just about every ounce of energy he possessed to pull this off. He was glowing a brilliant azure, and soon the ground began to shake, as if there were an earthquake occurring. Jeff felt his grip on the earth loosen as he struggled to remain balanced.
“What the heck is going on?!” he shouted over the now gale-force winds.
An almost feline-like screech was his only response, as the sky seemed to literally rip in half.
~Get over here and maybe I will have a chance to explain it to you…~ he then heard somewhere in the back of his mind, and the teenager staggered over.
The clone was holding open what looked like a zipper in the sky; beyond the broken pieces laid only blackness.
~Jump in!~
“What?! Are you insane?!”
Myuutsu looked over at him, growling, ~It was your idea… Now hurry! You have no idea how arduous it is to keep this open!~
Jeff winced, staring into the black void.
~GO, YOU IDIOT!!~
An invisible force shoved him through the hole, and he fell face-first into the darkness…
“AAAAAHHHH!! I’M GONNA DIIE!!!” Jeff screamed, tumbling through the darkness. Something suddenly grabbed the back of his shirt, halting his fall. He twisted his neck till he could see Myuutsu grasping the collar of his shirt, an almost bemused look on his feline-like features.
~You never did like skydiving, did you?~
“No, for your information, I never did. Nor will I ever.” He sighed, looking down into the emptiness. “So… What is this?”
~I succeeded in severing the border, and now we are… Nowhere, basically.~
“So how do we get to Christine’s place?”
~What do I look like, a cartographer?~
“Well, I dunno, what does a cartographer look like?” He angled his head just enough to see the almost disgusted look that Myuutsu was currently giving him.
~For being in a state where if I drop you, you will most certainly die, you ask some very odd questions.~
He shrugged as best as he could. “It’s a human thing.”
~I see…~ A pause. ~Perhaps I can teleport us to her world.~
“But we don’t have a picture or anything! Don’t you have to know what it looks like before you can go there?”
~True… Do you still have that package of chewing gum?~
He raised his eyebrows. “Uh, yeah, I do.” He fished in his pocket, and handed it to Myuutsu, who let go of the boy’s collar with one paw to take the small cardboard box. “Why? Is your mouth dirty?” A single, stone-cold look from the legendary quickly erased the joke, and he chuckled nervously.
~No, I wanted it so I could backtrack the location of its origin and then go from there.~
“Oh… Why didn’t you think of that while we were still on dry land?”
~I did. It has been proven impossible to travel through universes while on certain planets… ours included.~
Jeff pondered that for a moment, and looked up at him. “Well, okay then. Try it!”
~I will, once you shut up…~
He quickly closed his mouth, and a sort of wind began to wrap itself around them. He resisted the urge to ask what was going on; there were no clouds here. Suddenly, there was a blinding flash of light, and they were slammed backwards through an empty space not unlike the one they were in, only it felt more like a tunnel. After only a moment, it all stopped, and they dropped onto hard cement.
Jeff opened his eyes, and a blast of icy-cold wind hit him. He shivered, and for a moment wondered if this was some kind of arctic world. He blinked the stars out of his eyes, and realized he was sitting on the ground, a large group of people staring at him. Most had a fair complexion, dark hair, and almond-shaped eyes. He slowly stood, and a few backed off. Myuutsu was nowhere to be seen.
“Uh… Hi. I’m Jeff, and-”
“Jeff?”
He looked towards the thickly accented voice, and saw it belonged to a fairly young lady. She was shorter than him by at least a few inches. He nodded slowly.
“You are… American?”
A million thoughts raced through his head. American… American… America… United States of –
That was where Christine was from!
He nodded more vigorously. “Yes, yes, I’m American. My name is Jeff Malashok,” the teenager said confidently. He could pull this off.
She smiled at him. “Well, Mr. Malashok, we are very confused on how you got here, but I would like to welcome you to Tokyo, Japan,” she said in shaky English.
He felt his jaw drop.
Tokyo.
That didn’t sound anything like Nebraska.
